Prisoner of my own mind

A couple of days ago someone asked me if I was happy with my life at this moment. A question that I haven’t asked myself for a long time. Probably because I knew I wasn’t happy. 

Yet my answer was YES! At this moment I am happy, I said. Which is odd to say because I haven’t felt this way for a long time. I believe that the question came at the right time at the right moment. Because I haven’t reflected on the fact if I am happy or not for a while now. I started to wonder… Is it because I don’t have the time to think if I was actually happy? Happy with my life? Or have I been avoiding that question because I knew I wasn’t? I don’t really have the answer to that. But what I do know is that in comparison with a couple of years ago I feel joyful, lively and cheerful now. 

Then I started to think about what has changed? What was it that made me feel content with my life? What has happened? What did I do? Because whatever it was or whatever I did I had to keep doing that! Was what I was thinking. 

“Some people can bring out the best of you but there are also people that can let you forget who you really are and let you forget what you really want in life.”

A couple of years ago I finished school and I started to focus on work. During that time I have lost some friendships along the way. I say friendships because for me it feels like I lost some sort of a relationship rather than just the person. But I have also lost people that were dear to my heart. I came to the realisation that I needed to spend more time with my family and with myself. What is it that I want in my life or from life? The answer to that question has always been; “I want to be happy.”

One of the hardest things I needed to accept was that I couldn’t change the past. I was really holding onto things that I couldn’t change for it was in the past. When I look back on that time of my life. I think that it was an absolute waste of (my) time. Don’t get me wrong, thinking about all the things that went wrong in the past can help you. After all, reflecting on life is not bad at all. But I believe that it’s only beneficial if you look at it as a learning process but when that isn’t the case. My advice would be to let it go which is hard but it’s also one of the best things you can do for yourself. 

While I was accepting my life as it is I also realised that I don’t need people around me, to make me feel happy. I have learned that I can create my own happiness!

Some people can bring out the best of you but there are also people that can let you forget who you really are and let you forget what you really want in life. That’s why I believe it’s important to focus on yourself and think about what you want in life and what kind of energy you want to have around you. 

As corny as this may sound, you have to start thinking about yourself and please do not let other people define your happiness. Because when you lose them you will have a hard time trying to find that happiness back.. you are reading the words of an expert… I have been there. So focus on yourself and let other people add to your self-made happiness and don’t let them be your happiness!

AM.

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